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So Long
Abridged Episode #42 Watch ← Previous Episode Next Episode → Cast (In order of appearance): Yami, Mai, Yugi, Marik, Joey, Odion, Tristan, Serenity, Mrs. Ishtar, Mr. Ishtar, Kaiba, Mega Ultra Chicken, Hans, Yami Marik Date: August 26, 2009 Running Time: 10:50 Episode Title: So Long And Thanks For All The Trading Cards Transcript YAMI: You know, you can go ahead and skip this episode. I'm sure nothing significant will happen. It's probably just filler. MAI: I can't believe Joey is dueling Marik! YUGI: Yep, that sure is the current situation! MARIK: (thinking) Those fools are foolish enough to think that Odion is me! Yet secretly, unbeknowest to them, I'' am actually me! And I hold the real Millennium Rod behind my back! You know, I do hope nobody looks in my general direction. Otherwise my whole evil plan is totally 'EFF!ed. Opening JOEY: Hey, baldy! You don't have any hair! You know why? Because you're bald! Seriously, look at how bald you are! You know, if you had a comb you wouldn't know what to do with it because you're so bald! God you're bald. ODION: Are you done pointing out that I'm bald? JOEY: Ehhh no. TRISTAN: Has the card game started yet? YUGI: Oh, it's been going for the past two hours. This is still the first turn. SERENITY: Are duels always this slow? YUGI: Actually, this one's going pretty quickly. We should probably tell joey to slow down a little. MARIK: (thinking) Odion, summon your most powerful monsters and lay waste to Stevy's Life Points! ODION:(thinking) As you wish, Master Marik. (speaking) I summon the unstoppable force that is... the Gummi Bears! MARIK: (thinking) Yees- wait, WHAT?! The frickin' Gummy Bears? No, for the love of crap, summon something a little more intimidating, Odion! ODION: Very well. Prepare yourself Mr. Wheeler, for the next card I play will be the final instrument of your destruction. MARIK: Yeess, yeess, yeesss. ODION: The Easter Bunny. MARIK: Yea- noooo frigging hell, Odion! Why are you such a giant baby! (echoes) Baby... baby... baby... (Flashback to when Odion was a baby) ODION (as a baby): Waaah, waaah! MRS. ISHTAR: Oh, my! Somebody left a perfectly good baby on our doorstep. I shall do the only humane thing and take you deep underground to raise you in an environment of cruelty and restraint. Is that what Baby wants? Cruelty and restraint? Yes, it is! Coo-chee-coo! MR. ISHTAR: For thousands of years, our family has guarded the pharaoh's tomb. Now, you and I must have a child so that the Tombkeeper's Legacy can be passed down to another generation. Sooo... are you pregnant yet? MRS. ISHTAR: No. MR. ISHTAR: ...How about now? MRS. ISHTAR: Still nothing. MR. ISHTAR: Now? (Flashforward to baby Ishizu) Oh, look, another baby! I knew you were hiding one somewhere. At last, I have the son I've always wanted. MRS. ISHTAR: Actually, she's a girl. MR. ISHTAR: What? But she's got a- MRS. ISHTAR: -umbilical cord. MR. ISHTAR: Ooohhh.....oh. MRS. ISHTAR: Odion, I know your father can be rather difficult at times, but the truth is, he does love you as his own flesh and- MR. ISHTAR: Hey, Veronica, are you talking to that fake, not-real son of mine again? MRS. ISHTAR: Yes, dear. MR. ISHTAR: Okay, tell him I hate him! ODION: Mom, I just want dad to accept me! MRS. ISHTAR: Your father is just going through a lot of stress right now, what with the redecorating and everything. MR. ISHTAR: Hey, Veronica, I'm thinking burgendy for the wallpaper for the sacrificial chamber. What do you reckon? MRS. ISHTAR: Sounds good to me, Hank. MR. ISHTAR: You don't even know what burgendy is, do you? MRS. ISHTAR: Be patient. Someday you will be a tombkeeper. I promise. Just so long as we don't have- MR. ISHTAR: Hooray, another baby! Geez Veronica, these things are just flying out of you! You kmow, I can't decide if he should be called "Marik" or "Malik". What do you think, Veronica? MRS. ISHTAR: I think I'm dying, Hank. MR. ISHTAR: Marik, it is! Be right back, I'm going to go point this kid at the moon. I'm pretty sure that's one of our ancient traditions. ODION: Mom! Don't go! MRS. ISHTAR: It's okay, Odion. Remember, I will always love you. Promise me you'll take care of your brother and sister. And whatever you do, don't let Marik grow up to be a giant douche like his father. ODION: Mom! MARIK: Exewent! Wahahahahaha! (Later, playing ball) Wheee! Ancient Egyptian basketball sure is fun, Odion! Ahh! I just wish it didn't involve so many poisonous snakes! MR. ISHTAR: Odion, why did you kill my pet cobra, Cornelius? ODION: I was only trying to protect Marik! MR. ISHTAR: Cornelius just wanted to play! You know how much he loved basketball! He was like the son I never had until I actually had one, and now, he's dead! I will never forgive you for this, Binky-Boy! ODION: I made you some soup, Master Marik. MARIK: Unless your soup is the flavor of vengeance, I am not interested! So tell me, Odion, is it vengeance-flavored soup? ODION: Uh, no. But it does have lentols in it. Lentols sound kinda like vengeance. MARIK: '''EFF! your EFF!'ing lentols! I'm sorry, Odion. I didn't mean to lash out at your soup. I'm just scared because soon I will receive the tombkeeper's initiation! ODION: That doesn't sound so bad. MARIK: They're going to carve open my back and burn an intricate symbol into my flesh! ODION: Ouch. Still, it could be worse. MARIK: And then they are going to make me watch Beverly Hills Chihuahua! ODION: That's part of the ancient ritual? MARIK: Apparently. ODION: Don't worry, Master Marik. I will go to your father and ask him if I can take the initiation in your place. MR. ISHTAR: Doah! Ha ha ha ha ha!...oh wait, you're serious. Yeah...no, that's not happening. MARIK: ''(as Chihuahua Song is playing in the background) No, please! I hate live-action Disney movies! Especially ones that involve talking animals! Odion, save me from the CGI chihuahuas! ODION: Are you alright, Master Marik? MARIK: I've been tortured by my own father, I'm going to spend the rest of my life underground, and I just watched the worst Jamie Lee Curtis movie since Christmas With the Kranks! How the '''EFF! do you think I feel, Binky Boy! ODION: Check it out. I got me a kick-ass face tattoo. MARIK: Is that supposed to make me feel better? ODION: Yes...'s it working? MARIK: Not really... (End of flashback; back on the blimp) ODION: Geez... even in my own flashbacks, I'm a minor character. MARIK: (thinking) Odion, I command you to summon Mega-Ultra Chicken! ODION: But Master Marik, this is your card! MARIK: (thinking) Actually, I had my Rare Hunters create a perfect forgery. Okay, so there were one or two minor complications along the way. But it's the result that counts. (Rare Hunter gets blasted) Ewww... geez, his brain's leaked right onto the new rug. That'll take forever to get out. Okay, people, we're gonna need another Steve. ODION: But, Master Marik! MARIK: Do it, Odion! Do it in the name of Marik Sebastian Ishtar III! ODION: Arise Mega Ultra Chicken, arise! JOEY: Oh no! YAMI: Oh no! SERENITY: Oh no! KAIBA]: (thinking) Oh God, yes! (caption reads, "+100 dead puppies") ODION: Brace yourself, Mister Wheeler, because you're about to lose the rest of your Life Points! YAMI: Be very careful, Joey! (caption reads, "actual 4Kids dialogue") TÉA: Yeah, great advice, Pharaoh. MEGA-ULTRA CHICKEN: Infidels! JOEY: Uh oh. MEGA-ULTRA CHICKEN: Thou hast angered the God of Trading Cards! Now you will never again see the light of day! YAMI: Joey, be very, very careful! SERENITY: My brother! MARIK: Odion, get down from there! ODION: No, Master Marik. This... is the way it must be. Mother, I... finally got to be a tombkeeper, just... like you always wanted. I can only hope you're proud of me. MARIK: She's not even your real mom, douchebag! YAMI: By the gods! The Millenium Rod is made of delicious cheese! MARIK: Help me! Odion! ODION: I tried my best to serve you, my master. I tried. I tried- ow, my face... MARIK: Oh EFF! JOEY: Nyeh! Man that was a close one. I sure am glad lightning never strikes twice in the same- Irony! SERENITY: Joey! YAMI: If only he had been careful. TRISTAN: Hey, Joey! Is it okay if I date your sister! (Joey remains silent) ...I'm going to take your silence as a yes. (In Joey's dream) JOEY: What the? Where am I? TRISTAN: Joey, wake up! TÉA: Your friends need you! JOEY: Wake up? Why, am I dreamin' or somethin'? YUGI: Of course, you're dreaming! I mean, when whas the last time any of us actually attended class? JOEY: I can't believe it! All my pals are here! There's Yugi, Tea, Duke, Mai, Serenity- though I'm not sure what Bakura's doing here... YUGI: C'mon, Joey. It's time to get up and prove yourself. (Back on the blimp) JOEY: Dat's right! Watch me, guys! Joey Wheeler's gonna kick some- HANS: Marik Ishtar has been defeated! JOEY: Wah? What happened? YAMI: You won by default, Joey! Truly this is a victory for the forces of justice! TÉA: Malik Blishtar is really Marik Ishtar?! MARIK: Yes, it's true! I am Kira- I mean Marik. YAMI: And there's the obligatory Death Note reference. I never thought we'd sink that low. MARIK: Pharaoh! I've been waiting for this moment for almost an entire season! Finally, we meet face to face! And now, I shall take great pleasure in annihilating you once and for all, Binky Boy! Arggh... ODION: Oh, no! This is terrible! JOEY: What the heck's goin' on? ODION: Master Marik has a darker side, brought upon by years of physical abuse and live-action Disney movies. JOEY: Aw, c'mon, how bad could he possibly be? ODION: Let me put it this way...you guys are all totally f***ed. Tell the Gummi Bears... I love them... Ugh... MARIK: AHHHHHHH!!!!..... YAHHHH!!!!!! be continued kidding MARIK: Get out of my frigging head, you frigging frig stick! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! (Transforms in to Yami Marik) YAMI MARIK: I... live... again! At last, I am rid of that wretched fool Marik, and I have all of you to thank. Now, who wants a hug? TRISTAN: I do! YAMI: Tristan, no! He's just going to stab you or something! YAMI MARIK: Don't listen to him, Tristan. He just wants all the hugs to himself. YAMI: Why would I want all the hugs- YAMI MARIK (interrupts): I am in control of your mind! YAMI: No, you're not. YAMI MARIK: That is exactly what I wanted you to say, mindslave! YAMI: Look, we're not intimidated by your silly behavior- YAMI MARIK (interrupts): I am the king! YAMI: You're a loony. YAMI MARIK: Binky-Boy! YAMI: Look, what gives you the right to just waltz into our show and declare yourself the new villain? Everybody's been expecting me to duel Marik, not his imaginary childhood buddy Melvin. YAMI MARIK: The Marik you knew is a nobody. His evil plans involved trivial things like pushing you off a boat! I'' am more evil than he could ever hope to be. YAMI: Prove it. YAMI MARIK: Remember TeamFourStar? YAMI: Yeah, they were suspended. ...What's your point? YAMI MARIK: That... was ''me! (Everyone looks horrified. Kaiba smiles. caption reads, "+9001 dead puppies") TRISTAN: Oh my God! ...Who's TeamFourStar? Ending (Chihuaua plays in the background) Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series you can't spell "Melvin" without "evil" Stinger (from Clerks the Animated Series) JACK ATLAS: Oh my god! The kid in the helmet- REX GOODWIN: Yes... look at him Post Ending (Chihuahua plays in the background) Marik: Greaaat, now I can't get that 'EFF!'ing song out of my head. Thanks, Odion. Thanks a bunch... Trivia The title of the episode comes from Douglas Adam's So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish, the fourth book in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series, to which "The Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything" is 42; the episode number This is the first episode where the stinger uses a Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's scene. Mega Ultra Chicken's lines are a reference to the Disney movie Aladdin; when Abu greedily grabs a ruby that he is forbidden to touch, the creature guarding the treasure says, "Infidels! You have touched the forbidden treasure! Now you'll never again see the light of day!" The line "You're a Loony" is a reference to Monty Python where the Black Knight claims to be invincible, after which King Arthur says "You're a Loony." When Kaiba smiles the second time in this episode, the caption reads "+9001 dead puppies". This is probably a reference to Team FourStar's Dragon Ball Z Abridged in which Vegeta tells Nappa Goku's power level is "1006". Vegeta then says "I had the scouter upside down." 1006 upside down is 9001.